Re: [Heartlogic-dev] wording of story itesm

[Joshua N Pritikin]

On Wed, 2005-05-18 at 00:24 -0500, William L. Jarrold wrote:
> The jack and jill story items need to be made more readable.  That was
> one of the outcomes of having my pal Dayna look through the study
> items.
> 
> Here's my proposals...
> 
> (1)
> REPLACE...
> 
> In Jacks opinion, Jill is indifferent about a pale of water for herself.
> 
> ...WITH...
> 
> Jack believess, that Jill feels indifferent about fetching herself a
> pale of water.
> 
> (2)
> REPLACE...
> 
> In Jacks opinion, Jill wants to avoid something about a pale of water for 
> herself.
> 
> ...WITH...
> 
> Jacks believes that Jill wants to avoid fetching herself a pale of
> water.

English is maddeningly idiomatic.  I think the closest I can come using
templates is:

Jake wants to avoid something about swallowing the goldfish for himself.
Jake wants something about swallowing the goldfish for himself.
Jake feels indifferent about swallowing the goldfish for himself.
Jake believes that Dolly wants to avoid something about swallowing the
goldfish for herself.
Jake believes that Dolly wants something about swallowing the goldfish
for herself.
Jake believes that Dolly feels indifferent about swallowing the goldfish
for herself.

If this isn't good enough then I'll have to adjust every sentence on a
case-by-case basis.  I'd rather not do this.

Hrm, how about if I apologize in advance for poor sentence construction?
Would that help?

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