Re: [gNewSense-users] Early Draft of a gNewSense flyer

[Karl Goetz]

On Thu, 18 Mar 2010 21:39:53 +0100
Sam Geeraerts <address@hidden> wrote:

> al3xu5 / dotcommon schreef:
> > Il giorno giovedì 18/03/2010 10:38:53 CET
> > Leo Rockway <address@hidden> ha scritto:
> > 
> >> On Thursday 18 March 2010 14:14:07 Karl Goetz wrote:
> >>> On Thu, 18 Mar 2010 13:36:26 +0200 Lars Nooden
> >>> <address@hidden> wrote:
> >>>> Ok.  I have an initial draft for a generic flyer.
> >>>>
> >>>> http://www-personal.umich.edu/~lars/Flyers/Trifold-A4-gNewSense.odg
> >>>>
> >>>> I would welcome feedback about what is good, wrong, unclear,
> >>>> clear, missing or redundant. [...]
> > 
> > Good!
> > 
> > Just some little proposals, if I can.
> > 
> > - 1st page, front
> > Statement:
> > "gNewSense is a fully free distribution built on GNU Utilities and 
> > the Linux Kernel"
> > I suggest:
> > "gNewSense is a fully free GNU/Linux distribution built on the GNU
> > Operating System and the Linux kernel"
> 
> That's double. I'd say:
> "gNewSense is a fully free software distribution built on the GNU 

perhaps 'totally' or 'completely' rather then 'fully'.

> 
> > - 2nd page, right
> > This statement seems unclear and misses some words:
> > "Recently a series of new and netbooks have started using MIPS,
> > such as from the vendors Lemote and Gdium."
> > I suggest something like this:
> > "Recently new computer and netbook series using MIPS become
> > available, such as those from the vendors Lemote and Gdium."

'netbook's are computers. That aside, I'd move the 'series ' over
before computer.
kk

-- 
Karl Goetz, (Kamping_Kaiser / VK5FOSS)
Debian contributor / gNewSense Maintainer
http://www.kgoetz.id.au
No, I won't join your social networking group

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