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[libreplanet-discuss] telling friends when you stop using facebook

From: Daniel Pocock
Subject: [libreplanet-discuss] telling friends when you stop using facebook
Date: Sat, 30 Apr 2016 08:37:06 +0200
User-agent: Mozilla/5.0 (X11; Linux x86_64; rv:38.0) Gecko/20100101 Icedove/38.7.0

I'm starting a separate thread for this because the other thread was
intended for the technical process of killing a facebook account

One issue that a few people have commented on is getting the contact
details of friends before closing the facebook account and telling your
friends you are no longer on facebook.

I'd like to be more specific about that and suggest that they only
passively gather the contact details of friends from facebook.  Look at
each friend's profile and copy those things that are public, like email
address, phone or birthday.  Don't click the "request phone number"
button: if the friend has never put their phone number in facebook,
clicking that button encourages them to do so.

What if there are some friends on facebook who you have no other contact
details for?  Well, this is a great problem because it forces you to
think and thinking helps you become independent.  If you chat to them
through facebook to ask for any more details then you are actually
asserting that you depend on facebook and you haven't really got enough
faith that you can survive without it.  If they are really your friend
and you can't find their contact details there is every chance that they
will try to find you somehow, this can be a good test to help identify
the stronger friendships.

In the same way, I feel that asserting you are leaving facebook is also
a bad thing as it gives facebook more status.  Leaving silently is much
better as it creates curiosity: some people will wonder where you went
and look for you in the real world (as a bonus, displacing online
contact with real-world contact improves the quality of those
relationships).  Some will actually ask you if you unfriended them or if
you left facebook and you can respond very concisely "why do I need
facebook?  If something important is happening somebody always tells me".

If they ask "why didn't you tell me you were leaving facebook?" you
could reply "why would I need to do that?".

So, don't even tell your spouse or closest friends when you close the
account, wait and see if they notice.

For those who feel this is too hard-line, maybe one final step is to
simply send each of the more remote/uncontactable facebook friends a
private message with a link to your blog or something else that is
already public about you just before closing the facebook account, with
a note saying "I don't feel social media is completely reliable, please
save this in case you can't contact me here".  That gives people
something tangible to start looking for you outside facebook without
really giving up more specific things like phone numbers and it also
avoids making direct statement that you are leaving.



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